The Gifts Podcasting Opened For Christmas

All the gifts have been unwrapped. Tears of joy, gratitude, disappointment, and downright anger have been shed. 

Now, imagine you're Podcasting, and the industry has waited patiently to open its Christmas gifts. Sadly, last year, Podcasting received only coal in its stocking, with thousands of people losing their livelihood, and too many shows headed to the graveyard of Posthumous Podcasts.

Podcasting sits in front of the tree surrounded by gifts. It's wearing its trademark red flannel pajamas with an iron-on saying, "My Ears Are Over Here," below the right pocket.

Podcasting stares at the gifts surrounding the tree, wondering which to open first. They ignore the Amazon gift wrapping because they know it contains more Wondery podcasts, and Podcasting already has enough of them.

Podcasting spots a wrapped gift that says "From Joe." He knows that means Joe Rogan. They open it, and it's a gift card that reads, "This year I promise to stop spreading misinformation, and I condemn those like Steve Bannon, Dan Bongino, and others who spread hate for Americans who differ in race, religion, lifestyle, viewpoint, and orientation. As a top-rated show, I promise to represent Podcasting more responsibly and be a model of fairness and inclusion."

Podcasting smiles at that prospect, and then opens the next gift, which is wrapped in the gaudiest and over-the-top paper. The card says it is from Daniel Ek, CEO of Spotify. 

The card reads, "Dear Podcasting, in 2024, I promise not to try to dominate the industry, squeeze out indie podcasters, and act more judiciously so that employees are not fired, quality shows are not canceled like Heavyweight and Stolen, and produce shows that don't have D-level celebrities, influencers, and people guilty of all kinds of sins trying in vain to redeem themselves."

Podcasting says, "jag ber att det är så," which means "I pray it is so" in Swedish.

Podcasting's eyes drift to a small, carefully wrapped gift, so they reach out to the gift, and carefully unwrap it. 

It is a promise ring -- small but exquisite. The card reads," Podcasting, this promise ring is from the tens of thousands of independent podcasters who are your heart and soul. Despite what's happened in the last two years, we want you to know that we are here for you. We care dearly about our listeners, and hope we get more opportunity to succeed, since the giants has been trying to make us extinct."

Podcasting sheds a tear and moves on to the next gift, which is wrapped in blue paper. They open it, and it's a judge's gavel. The card reads, "Podcasting, this year, we promise not to overwhelm you with so many true-crime shows because you are becoming only known for this one genre. We know there are so many genres to explore, and we confess -- with no duress applied -- that we have been too aggressive in developing true-crime shows that have begun to sound like every other true-crime show."

Podcasting nods, knowing that this is a valuable gift, and they hope it comes to pass.

Finally, after opening gifts from Acast, Cumulus, iHeart, SXM, and other podcast networks about releasing better shows -- Fewer Breitbart News Daily shows and more All Music Is Black Music shows -- Podcasting opens its last gift, from YouTube. The gift is a pair of expensive headphones. The card reads, "We will honor the legacy of podcasting and not screw it up but forcing all podcasters to go video, but will offer audio only shows on an even playing field. We know that a video of podcasters wearing headphones surrounded by gear talking for an hour and essentially being talking heads isn't that appealing. We will not try to smash audio only podcasts. Those incidents with using an algorithm to promote hate speech was just a hiccup we're trying with medium intensity to fix."

Podcasting then hands the one gift left to the listeners, the fans, and financial supporters of podcasts. 

The card reads,"Dear Podcast Fans, we know that we allowed some big companies to disappoint and con you the last few years, and we've let purveyors of misinformation and hate speech slip through the cracks. In 2024, we promise to re-focus on the core of podcasting -- the independent podcasters that started all this and exemplify the best podcasting has to offer you."

Podcasting makes eye contact with its listeners. In a strong, steady voice and with a determined tone, they say, "What we can do in 2024 can improve all our tomorrows."

Photo by George Dolgikth