"Fine" Dining: All You Can Eat Podcast Feast

The "Fine" Dining podcast has a fascinating premise. "The search for the most mediocre chain restaurant in America." As podcast topics go, this one serves up all kinds of possibilities. You can play this one straight like a New York Times food critic or for laughs. Or play both sides of the fence with comedy and drama.

 The podcast's stated mission is: "The hilarious search for the most mediocre chain restaurant in America. Host Michael Ornelas hits popular spots like IHOP, Texas Roadhouse, & Chili's to find the perfectly average 5-out-of-10 "fine" dining experience."

The podcast's website offers its origin story: "The year was 2016. Michael was sitting in an Outback Steakhouse, having just purchased a GoPro camera, and thought it might be silly fun to wear it on his head and document the chain restaurant experience from that perspective. He'd then rate it on a scale of 4 to 6, because 'that's what chains deserve, and they know it.' It was a dumb idea that he didn't actually do, but the idea remained."

The show began in October 2022, and you have to give it up for creator/host Michael Ornelas because he produced 40 episodes in the show's first season.

In 2019, Ornelas met season one co-host Garrett Zwerk at a Pokémon Go PvP tournament held in a Burbank food court, and the two immediately hit it off. Three years later, that silly idea to review chain restaurants on a scale of mediocrity popped back into Michael's head, and he pitched it to now-close friend Garrett as a podcast premise. "Fine" Dining was born. 

After season one, Ornelas announced that his co-host Garrett Zwerk left the show. As Ornelas notes on the website: "Garrett left in August 2023 to pursue other endeavors. He was killed off not once but twice in the finale episode of season one, but the only thing certain about his fate is that he will be missed."

So what do you do when your partner in the creation of a podcast leaves? After all, what did Steve Jobs do after Steve Wozniak left Apple? Well, Jobs struggled mightily for several years and then achieved historic success. 

Ornelas didn't miss a beat, setting up season two to be a special guest every episode as his co-host. That's worked out well for the show and listeners. So far, Ornelas has welcomed a comedian, podcaster, wrestler, and even a magician as a co-host with positive results.

What's a typical episode of the podcast like?  First, sonically, there is a lot going on. Ornelas seems to abhor silence or quietude, so listeners are treated to a musical about Olive Garden, a Hooters-themed Super Bowl video episode, and audio dramas, character work, and wildly creative skits out the wazoo.

Ornelas says: "They've become a staple of the voice of the show."

You get a sense of the show right away, when a female voice says, "From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive."

Although a comic blend between comedians John Mulvaney and Gary Gulman, Ornelas is quite good at reviewing these chain restaurants. His criteria are as follows: atmosphere, service and food. He has a good critical eye for mediocrity in restaurants, and in select examples, excellence. 

I enjoy the history of these chains because as bland as their brand and food may be, some of their origin stories are wild. I love hearing about the Blake brothers, who developed Friendly's in Springfield, MA in 1935. Talk about sibling rivalry. 

My favorite episodes so far include Texas Roadhouse, TGI Fridays, Red Robin, and The Cheesecake Factory.

In part two of the Friendly's restaurant visit, Ornelas waxes sarcastic on the decision by private equity's Amici Holdings to offer a Jonas Brother themed ice cream treats. Ornelas cackles: What genius came up with that idea? Who is going to drive to a Friendly's because there is Jonas brother-themed ice cream treats, except for the Jonas's.

Ornelas works hard and smart to involve listeners, create a listening community, monetize his show, and even offer eating-out tips. Michael Ornelas is a hard -working independent podcaster.

Ornelas says; "Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America, is now live wherever you get your podcasts.
Remember, it's tough out there in the mean streets by your local Applebee's. Stay safe and check out our five Survival Tips for Casual Dining."

I did, and the tips are helpful and include choosing the right seat, when to eat and this gem: Monday is the worst day to eat out because on Tuesday the restaurant gets a new supply of food, so Monday diners are eating the leftovers.

Check out The "Fine" Dining podcast. Even though the podcast reviews barely adequate chain restaurants, the podcast itself is a superb feast of restaurant reviews, cultural appraisals, quirky, often absurdist humor.

You don't need a reservation to listen to the podcast.