The Town Podcast Discusses James Bond As An Amazon Asset

 Will Bond travel the world in two days to market Amazon Prime?

On the February 23rd episode of The Town podcast with Matt Belloni, host and frequent guest Lucas Shaw of Bloomberg discussed Amazon’s buyout for control of the James Bond franchise from the Broccoli family, who had controlled the franchise for over 60 years. (Note: Harry Saltzman was co-producer until 1975.)  

Because of Amazon’s checkered and, at times, disastrous, history of film production, Bond fans have been predictably nervous. Only two years ago, The Economist says of Amazon: “Amazon has Hollywood’s worst shows but its best business model.”

What does Amazon in the driver’s seat mean for the James Bond universe?

Worst case scenarios are terrifying and best case, no harm, no foul.

First, we can see James Bond being made to look more like Amazon founder Jeff Bezos: bald, pencil-necked, with a face you want to punch. Instead of using his wits, muscles and cunning to defeat the bad guys, Bezos-Bond will use his billions to buy them off. 

Second, the bad guys will be radically different in this new Bond universe. New villains will emerge more in keeping with Amazon’s e-commerce platform. For example, Amazon’s Bond could be given a license to kill consumers who try to refund too many purchases on Amazon. Wore a dress once and then tried to return it? Bond is on the case! 

In this new universe, labor unions that try to organize Amazon workers will become evildoers whom Bond must defeat. Then, because Bezos has transformed into a Trump Toadie, Russia will become an ally, and Ukraine — those invaders! — will be vanquished.

Instead of using his trademark Aston Martin and Walther PPK handgun, Bond will use tariffs and business regulation to smite the bad guys. Bond’s new vehicle of choice will be the Tesla Cybertruck, with drilling, fracking, strip mining, coal sludge, and gas guzzlers being celebrated.

Finally, Bond will condemn wokeness and return to being the lecherous Bond from the 1960s because women are there for the taking in the new MAGA world. Other agents — good and evil — will, of course, be white men because an agent other than that would clearly be a DEIA hire. Judy Dench as M, the head of MI6, will be replaced by Mark Zuckerberg, who has the power to invade people’s privacy with a few keystrokes on a keyboard.

New proposed movie titles for the Amazon James Bond series include: In Russia We Love, Diamonds are 50% Off During Prime Days, Dr. No doesn’t really mean No, License To Deport, No Time To Buy, Buy Another Day, Golden Buy, and, Live And Let Buy. 

Of course, we will have to wait and see what Amazon does with the James Bond franchise. With Bezos doing a 180-degree turn on his politics, it is possible that the new James Bond will be—wait for it—Donald Trump, Jr.